You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
