There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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