He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
