So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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