All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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