I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize