Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
