I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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