Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
