I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
