i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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