before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
