I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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