When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize