Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
