I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
