Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
