I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
