Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
