I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
