hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
