Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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