shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The uberlube is also flammable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Text me some of your sweat
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
