dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
