dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize