Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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