I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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