captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
