Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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