Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
