You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
