come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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