I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had sex on a roof
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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