I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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