this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize