Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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