Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
