there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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