Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
