Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
