Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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