um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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