Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
