girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
