When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
