he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
