YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
