I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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