[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
