Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
