your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
