Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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