i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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