I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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