once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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