***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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