mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
