She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
