my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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