I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
