Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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