Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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