where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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