It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
