I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
