You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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