At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize