i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to make out with him forever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
