we have pet lesbian snakes
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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