I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
