If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
